The 'state' of Nevada
There is a certain kind of people, a very special kind, that dwell in the State of Nevada. Phrases like “great mullet” are normal and highly regarded, as are signs reading “All you can eat!” and “Machine guns ready to fire!”. Honestly, I wish I had made up the title ‘Bullets and Burgers’, but the credit goes to some hillbilly in the middle of nowhere who actually owns a joint by that name.
After a day at the Grand Canyon, we felt we had seen it all. The views are amazing, no doubt, but after our previous National Parks, it lacked a little of the a-w-e-some-ness. It is super touristy, and by that I mean, SUPER touristy! It is swarming with cameras, screaming children and high heel toting women with sequins all over their shirts. Not that I have anything against screaming children or dressed up women, but when in the midst of being floored by the incredible spectacle nature has put on for us, I prefer to be surrounded with more appreciation for the earths grandeur, and less for Gucci and Prada’s. So after some pretty great views of the canyon, and a short hike down a cold gorge, we threw in the towel and headed off to Vegas.
A very ‘interesting’ drive, took us past sign after sign of shooting ranges and dilapidated hillbilly ‘mobile home towns’. It was actually a good warm up for Vegas. Driving into the city we were blown away by the amount of smog, and struck but how much it felt like we were driving into Joburg. It was dry and dusty, and didn’t have much going for it in any way, other than the surprisingly large and beautiful mountains surrounding the city – when you catch a glimpse of them through the smog that is. And then of course there is the strip – 4km’s of some of the most interesting hotels you are likely to see, all squeezed up alongside each other, and each vying for your attention in its own way. Innocent and naive little me however, was not prepared for the higher-grade-sneaky-corporate-hotel-money-making-scheme that awaited us.
We were pleasantly surprised at the incredible suite we were able to stay in for a relatively affordable amount of money. I spent a lot of time that evening trying to figure out how on earth a hotel that size can kit each room out with Miele kitchen appliances, 2 bathrooms complete with a bath that is the size of (and functions like) a jacuzzi, 2 massive flat screen tv’s, one of which magically rises out the top of the solid wood Edwardian desk, floor to ceiling windows and every luxury you could expect in a 5 star hotel. It confounded me… until we tried to leave the hotel the next morning. It took us a good half an hour to walk to the hotel next door. There is no easy path to leave the hotel, only a convoluted passage along the casino floor, leading you past what felt like mile after mile of slot machines and hotel owned restaurants and shopping mall, or, a walk down the long driveway which is largely reserved for all the valet parked vehicles, and definitely not pedestrian friendly.
I moan, but I suppose Vegas wasn’t designed for people who have a negative physical reaction to the thought of throwing money into a machine. Nor was it designed for children. This point may just be what sank the ship for us. All shows have an age limit of 5 and above, so we couldn’t even take the kids to watch a Cirque du Soleil performance. Disappointing, but digestible. What gave us indigestion was the cost of hiring a babysitter, roughly R2000 for 4 hours – minimum! Shaun’s face went visibly grey and I think I did a pretty good impression of someone with Tourette’s. So instead, we walked the strip with the kids in tow, and realised what a bad idea it was. The first night we tried it, the kids were so tired they ended up falling asleep in our arms just as we got out on the strip, a largely painful process when you have a 30 min walk back to your hotel room through the maze of a casino and sprawling hotel. Shaun had Lola snoring on his back while he did a ‘Hunchback of Notre dame’ walk, to try and keep her from falling off. I had Lincoln doing his ‘curl into a ball’ trick as he falls asleep, trying desperately to get his legs tucked right under my chin, while I struggled to keep all his limbs on board and keep my shaky arm muscles from showing their exhaustion on my face. Shaun took this rather amusing picture of us in the lift as a memento…
The Signature Hotel .. in the lift .. sigh ..
Brave parents that we were, we tried again the next night. For the first time on our trip, we actually felt judged. There are almost no kids in Vegas, and definitely none out after dark. People were a little harassing, a little too ‘in your face’ and the kids didn’t respond well to it. We ended up carrying them to see the fountain show at the Bellagio, which was beautiful, and to the ‘aquarium’ at the Mirage. We walked through a couple of other hotels but found the same annoying problem of getting lost in the casino maze, being surrounded by smokers, and being blinded by the headlights that most woman had masquerading as breasts. I definitely didn’t look the part, I had a 4 year old live doll on my hip, my dress was too long, my heels to low, and my assets looked like I had been backed over by a truck in comparison to all the other women walking around. We saw all the lights and splendor that goes with Las Vegas at night, but unless I get heaped with a truck load of money I don’t need, I don’t think Vegas is somewhere I would go back to, especially not with kids, and more for their sake than ours.
We were happy to leave the next day, and make our way to Death Valley. As it turned out, there was a little less death, and a little more snow. The barren landscape we had prepared ourselves for was covered in beautiful white powder, and what is considered the hottest place on earth was a chilly -4. It was an amazing place to drive through, but nothing like it is renowned for. Quite frankly, I think I preferred it this way, but Shaun was a little sad to miss the vast expanse of desert and Namibia-like scenery.
I think we were both quite relieved to reach the Sierra Nevada foothills and the end of what felt like hundreds of miles of barren lands and busy days. Not only was a snowy Christmas awaiting us, but also 3 weeks of real relaxation and family time. Aaaaaaah… finally.
